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SPECIAL | Sex & Intimacy: A Letter To My Younger Self By Pam Weaver Baker

3 min read

It’s a topic many of us struggle to talk about, and when we do, we don’t always fess up about what it’s really like. Very few of us had a proper sex education when we were young and now that we are in our 50s and more experienced there are so many things we wish we would have known. For this summer, CrunchyTales has invited ladies from the Midlife Community to get involved and write a letter to their younger selves.  Here is the first one! 

Dear Pammie Kay,

I know you will not accept being called that right now, but this is your future, older and wiser self. I’d like to tell you a few things.

Number one, YOU don’t need to be so tough! Sun Tzu in ‘The Art of War‘ said, “Try softer”, and I have found that a little softness goes a long way. It’s actually okay to let people enter those boundaries of yours and get close to you. There’s no need to keep friends that are meant to be close at such a distance as you do. Honest, it’ll be okay to experience and connect with other humans at a deeper level.

Second, in relation to this boundary thing you’ve got going, I believe you’ve done a self-loving thing in terms of keeping sex for when you feel more ready to experience and share it. Even with the pressure of Curtis, the one you love, and from other boys before him, you’ve used some of that strength in a good way to say, “No”. I realize that you already know that Curtis is going to be your first, but it’ll be okay if you wait until you are even older than what you are currently waiting for, that 16th year; the coveted Sweet Sixteen. You’ll also still be “sweet” if you don’t wait. Whatever you decide and when is really okay. Just know that you have plenty of time to decide if it feels right with Curtis, and plenty of time in your upcoming twenties, thirties, and forties to experience all the euphoria that sex has to offer.

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Third, when you do become “involved” with him, please, I implore you, try real hard to let yourself go! Don’t put any energy on what your body looks like in the shadows of light. In the moment, simply feel all there is to feel. Look into his eyes and use that strength of yours to connect and love because anything other than that is a waste of precious energy. ENJOY!

Fourth, know in the depth of your soul that although it’s really nice to have a partner and the love and affection that comes with your soon-to-be husband, you actually are fine all on your own too. By yourself, you’ll find more of who you really are and can explore fully who you want to become. You may be able to do that better without having to ward off someone else’s input or feelings that come from any type of judgment. Psst…Touchy subject here. You can even get pleasure from yourself. Yep, explore and know it’s okay to touch all our parts. An extended shower head works amazingly. It’s YOU, and You are completely fine by yourself. Honest, don’t look away and laugh. it’s true!

Well, that’s all I really want you to know. I’m not going to tell you anything that will spoil the surprises of what comes, and there’s nothing I now resent enough to feel the need to try to change how things will roll for you. Just, take it easy, listen to your heart, make decisions from there, and love fully. You are okay.


Your Future Self, Pammie (That’s what my closest friends call us).

About The Author

Pam Weaver Baker

Life enthusiast, natural wellness guru, traveller, home yogi, and grandma to two kids. An elementary teacher for many years, now Pam stays at home helping her adult daughter build a life following a stroke two and a half years ago.  “I write as a fun hobby that connects me with ME more”, she said to CrunchyTales.
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