Don’t we all just love to receive a YES for an answer? But what should we do with the BIG NOs that crush our soul? By the second inning of our lives, we have become very acquainted with rejections and disappointments. However, that doesn’t make us immune to the pain and frustrations.
Here are a few proven ways to clarifying your feelings and deal with the sting of rejections.
Acknowledge Your Emotions
Rather than suppressing, ignoring, or denying your pain, acknowledge your emotions and have confidence in your ability to deal with them. If you never got rejected, you may have never stepped out of your comfort zone. You can’t be sure you’re pushing yourself to your limits until you get turned down every now and then.
Allow yourself time to process your hurt feelings
All of us have the right to expect a YES. But we need to tell ourselves at every juncture in life that there is no guarantee that we will get a positive answer. Allow life to unravel. Allow and train yourself to be open to the NO’s as well. Sometimes negative feedback might bring a blessing in disguise. Regardless of the kind of struggles we face, we are probably better off when we look beyond whether or not the given situation is ‘fair’.
Clear Your Views
Sometimes when we feel rejected, especially by our closest ones, we have a tendency to think we were unjustly wronged and that we have no role in the rejection. If positive feedback is important to you, it may be necessary to review yourself; your behaviour, choice of words, timing to improve your chances of changing the situation.
Accept the challenge
A bend in the road is not the end of the road. Some rejections especially at the work front can be reframed as a challenge. When you get rejected for a project or passed up for a job, that could only indicate that we need to upskill, work harder or research more and the best way to deal with these uncomfortable emotions is to face them head-on. However, sometimes our feelings of inadequacy could mean that we have truly hit our limit. In such a case we need to re-evaluate the situation and shift our energy to work where our plans can flourish.
Change your perspective
You’ve had your hopes dashed. Maybe you’ve learned your crush wasn’t mutual, or your friend has stopped accepting your calls. This can evoke a complicated knot of feelings, and only identifying them can kick off the recovery process. Most often when we are rejected, it is not about us but rather a reflection of the rejector’s state of mind and life. The most important thing is to recognize within your heart when it is not about you. You may have genuinely wanted to help, but your child, friend, the partner may not be in a state to accept your kindness. Let them be and instead have a huddle. Spend time with the ones who love you, take your mind off worries and remind you of the joys of living. Go dancing or dining, take a trip if you can. Learn to have fun.
Leave those negative people behind
Sometimes there are those truly toxic rejections that disintegrate our self-worth. When that happens, set a date, gather your closest friends, talk it all out, write pages of how you feel, purge your heart. Nothing and no one is worth your peace of mind, in the long run. Take all the memorabilia regarding the experience, and burn it or throw it in the dumpster. Delete all the file numbers – do a digital purge. And tell your friends to assist you so that you do not wallow in self-pity, self-blame or nostalgia. Also make a list of positive qualities you know you already possess can curb negative self-talk after the ego blow, and help you to bounce back sooner.
Unpuddle your soul with meditation
We all experience it, and yet, those times when we do are often the times we feel the most alone, outcast, and unwanted. Unknowingly we store all the pain and frustration in puddles within our souls. As time goes by, these puddles grow larger and deeper, pervading various facets of our lives. Practice the heart clearing meditation to dry and heal these puddles that do not serve us.
To practice the heart clearing meditation, sit comfortably in your safe, undisturbed meditation space. Observe your breath. Bring your awareness to your heart chakra. Imagine a flame burning brightly. Meditate on this purifying flame. Allow an event where you experienced rejection to come into space. Sense it, feel it, let every cell within your body resonate with the pain of rejection. Feel it and then offer it to the flame. Let the flame burn away all the hurt and angst. Repeat the same with up to 3 unpleasant experiences that need to be burnt away. Stay in the moment for as long as you need to, then slowly come back to the present moment after you experience relief.
Also, take time to reflect on the negative and self-defeating ways many of us deal with rejection, including substance abuse, alcoholism, severe guilt, gossip etc. At this age, you know what those harmful ways are in your case, so make a special effort to resist the temptation. Your life ahead should be a celebration and not a slow spiral into despair. Become the wise and playful hero of your own story.