It’s never easy to do it when you’re young, but it’s much harder the second time around. If you have just survived a painful break-up, starting to date again, after having been absent from the playing field for an extended period of time, could be difficult but not impossible. If you feel your anger has been melted away and you are letting yourself explore beyond your comfort zone, maybe you are ready to open up to a new partner.
Take things slowly and say Yes to new opportunities
First of all, sit down and craft a statement of what, exactly, you’re after. Is it a partner in life? A short-term liaison that might lead to something? Just some fun for now? It’s better to wait for the right kind of connection than to try and force something that’s not working. But, remember, you do need to drop your list of unrealistic requirements that have nothing to do with love.
According to the American psychologist Robert Fleisher, author of Dating Again. A Guide to Dating Just When You Thought You Were Done (Uphill Books):
While age is just a number, there are many adjustments required when you go about dating as an older individual. Your wants, needs and desires may not have changed over the years but you may need to adjust your tastes since the people you will find are now past their prime as well. There are many well-preserved specimens from which to choose; however, they are just harder come by the second time around.
One great way to welcome new opportunities into your life is to start saying yes more. The best way to do that is to get into the habit of going with the flow and generally being open to new opportunities. The trick is to get into a new routine: a gym, a local club, a workshop or even a solo holiday could turn into a great chance for dating. If it doesn’t work, at least you know you are improving your skills or toning up. Better than eating chocolate on the couch every night. If a friend invites you to a party with new people, resist your habit of saying no. You never know who you’ll meet. Even if you don’t meet a date, you will expand your experiences, and that makes for a more well-rounded and therefore attractive woman when you do meet a partner.
Invest in a new wardrobe or an online dating service
Going out again it’s also a good chance to clear out your wardrobe and stock up on some stylish new items that will make you feel fantastic. Take clothes you haven’t worn in years to the charity shop to make room, and then invest in a couple of good-quality pieces: such as a smart coat, a good pair of jeans and a cashmere jumper, a white shirt and great accessories. Don’t underestimate the power of online dating, too. It might sound a bit awkward but it’s one of the easiest ways to meet people. These days, there’s a site for everyone: eHarmony, Match are only a couple of examples. You might consider also getting involved in one of those events or group promoted by MeetUp.
Dating is a number game, take advice from your children
If someone loses interest in you, don’t take it personally. Statistically, four out of five men you go out with will disappear. It’s just the nature of the dating world. Put a smile on your face and book your next holiday. And if you’re finding it difficult to tell your children that you’re looking for love, just remember they may even have some dating advice for you.