If you feel lost in the modern sex jungle, Dr Ruth Westheimer might have a solution for you. The sex therapist whose 1980s American radio show Sexually Speaking made famous by popularising the word orgasm and demystifying all forms of masturbation is still rocking and she has plenty of advice for modern couples.
Where once women complained about their orgasms and men about premature ejaculation, the questions these days are more often about loneliness and finding meaningful human contact, which I find terribly sad – she says -. You walk into a restaurant these days, and what you see is everyone with their phone next to them. That is terrible. Instead of concentrating on the relationship, on the needs and activities and interests of the other person, they are constantly looking at their phone. Don’t put sexual experience on the back burner. Make time.
One of the most famous sex therapists in the world, 91 years old, she is a concentrate of pure wisdom and humour, and now a documentary ‘Ask Dr Ruth’ celebrates her life, drama and successes. Holocaust survivor, this trailblazer and activist was at the forefront of the sexual revolution: it was her straightforward attitude to sex that established her as the voice that answered the questions no one wanted to ask. Her career is longstanding; columnist, guest lecturer at two college-level classes, with a bibliography consisting of 42 books, she continues to speak at sold-out conferences and makes TV appearances.
According to Dr Ruth, our sex life is not supposed to come to an end just because we’ve hit a certain age. Plus, the more women engage in sex, the less severe the symptoms of menopause-related to good sexual functioning will be. And if you feel a bit uncomfortable now that you are in your middle age don’t worry.
If you’re always waiting for that orgasm, you won’t enjoy the rest of the lovemaking as much. You risk being goal-oriented, impatiently waiting for that orgasm.
A good sexual experience also needs time: for arousal as well as for hugging and kissing after sex. Afterplay is part of the arousal phase for the next encounter.
You don’t have to share your fantasies. If you have sex with your partner, and the woman thinks about a whole football team in bed with her, that’s OK, but keep your mouth shut about it.
Once again, her sense of humour teaches us how important is laughing all the way to the bedroom.