We are all chasing something. However, what most of us really need in midlife, is the peace of mind that comes from knowing we can manage, survive, and even thrive on our own in this world.
What we really want is freedom. And freedom can only be found in one way: becoming the master of our circumstances. Now, it’s true that there are some things in life that we have no direct control over, like natural disasters and other people’s behaviour. But it’s also true that we often have more say in how our life goes than we think we do.
By taking complete responsibility for how we react to each situation in which we find ourselves is the first step to achieving a better balance. What’s more, establishing our identity and letting our past and failures float away is crucial at midlife to finally experience a great deal of freedom.
We cannot be free inside if some experiences frighten or distress us – explains Deepak Chopra in his book ‘Total Meditation‘-. We shut out and deny them, and as a result, many if not most experiences get edited, censored, forgotten, and pushed aside in favour of a narrow band of experience that feels safe. Limited freedom is based on what you can reasonably expect from life. Total freedom begins by looking at life as a field of infinite possibilities.
How can we achieve that? By starting to learn to have trust in our own inner guidance: we won’t always get it right, but we will learn over time from experience. That involves deciding what we want, having a go at taking action towards getting it, and refocusing our efforts each time we make mistakes along the way.
Most of all, we need to change our Inner Narrative about ourselves and our place in the world to set ourselves free. We need to reframe those thoughts that pop into our heads, our core beliefs, our internal dialogue.
As psychologist Dr Michelle Rozen, PhD, explains:
Life is not about what happens to you. Life is about how you react to it, and your inner narrative has a tremendous impact on your reactions to events. The amount of control you have over your own happiness is empowering, and it is something to keep in mind always. You have a choice, no matter what circumstances you are dealing with, to choose your attitude and to choose the way you process information in your mind. Your choice of attitude is a powerful source of power.
We can’t change our story; our past is a part of our being, it is what gives us substance. But we can change our inner narrative: what do you tell yourself about yourself?